How I Flirt: A Flowchart [infographic]

August 20, 2013 |  by  |  Funny, Lifestyle

I have a super simple one for y’all because I think it’s hilarious. It perfectly illustrates my inability to get a date. I only look at guys when there is no possible way that they are looking at me. Then, the moment they feel my eyes on them, I quickly look away and pretend to be digging for Chapstick in my purse. In some cases I even take it one step further: I run.

My track record is long term relationships. I am only recently single, and I feel like a total nerd in the dating world. I missed out on that time in your early twenties when as a single lady you learn how to mingle, go out on dates, and, well, look at attractive men in the eye without giggling. I also never fully realized just how exhausting it is to actively pursue a suitor. My friends had whined about it from time to time, but all I heard was whining–because I was in love! But they weren’t kidding! Who actually has time to fall in love?  And what’s more, who has an ego large enough to withstand the constant rejection? Or to be the one doing the rejecting?

It’s rough out there. That’s why I have decided to stay indoors, where it’s safe.  Where books can’t tell me that they just want to be friends or that they’re moving to Chile, where movies have happy endings, and where any day now, Atticus Finch will climb out of my tattered copy of To Kill a Mockingbird (in the form of Gregory Peck circa 1962) and take me on a real date. [via]

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  • twin

    Lindsey, are you me? Because I could’ve written all the exact same things, from the Chapstick to the current status to Atticus Finch! And the infographic is totally my highly unsuccessful MO as well. There’s gotta be some guys out there who find the inability to make eye contact sexy…

  • JuneMoon

    Twin she can’t be you, because that is so me. :( I don’t know why. One too many hurts I think. Have you figured out how to resolve this dead end??? I’d love to see a chart for that too!

  • Vincent Labrecque

    Some guys have the same problem. Whats wrong in our water that makes us so stupid? LOL