Halloween 2009, my mother worked hard for no particular reason (other than that she is awesome) to make popcorn balls for my theater class. I was a senior that year, and very popular among the thespians. When I showed up to class with popcorn balls, everyone dug in, even the vegans. As you may know, popcorn balls are often held together by marshmallow fluff, and marshmallow fluff is often NOT vegan friendly. It wasn’t 5 minutes later that I had a bawling vegan on my hands. She blamed me for causing her to eat an animal’s flesh in the form of marshmallow fluff. I wouldn’t be annoyed if this was a legitimate I-know-about-things-and-care-about-animals vegan, but this was a I-held-a-door-open-for-a-girl-once-and-she-said-thank-you-now-she-is-my best-friend-and-she-is-vegan-so-I-am-a-vegan-too kind of girl, no judgment. After the bawl fest the girl continued to receive comfort from others with “the animal was already dead, don’t think about it, it was already dead.” But guess what audience! Turns out that the popcorn balls were made out of peanut butter, not marshmallow! So she didn’t break her door-opening covenant!
Marshmallows are gross unless they are toasted.